Are you assertive?

Is it hard for you to stand up for yourself? Do you have difficulty being assertive? Do you feel like a doormat who is unable to say NO? Tonight we’ll give you some tips for changing your behaviors.


How would you define assertiveness?
• Assertiveness is involves knowing what you want and giving yourself permission
to state your needs
• Assertiveness is not aggressiveness. It is a means of honoring your needs
without attacking someone else in the process. Being assertive is making a
request to someone else, but it is not aggressive or demanding.
• Assertiveness is a means of saying “no” or learning to avoid manipulation or
people pleasing.

What are some tips for developing assertiveness?
• First you must become aware of your own feelings, needs, values and desires
• Look the other person in the eye when you talk to them.
• Keep an open posture. Avoid folding your arms, shaking fingers, and face the
person directly
• Make a request that is simple, to the point, and firm (and non-blaming or
judgmental)
• Stay calm and avoid getting overly emotional or excited.


A lot of people have difficulty saying NO to others. What are some tips for those of us who have a hard time saying NO?
• Remember that saying NO is a means of setting limits. It is nothing to feel
guilty about, and you have the right to set boundaries.
• Acknowledge the other person’s request by restating it, and then explain your
reasons for declining.
• When you state your reasons for declining, make the points short and to the
point.
• Say no by using phrases such as “No, I’m not interested” or “No, I am
unwilling to do that.” Say no in a firm, polite manner.
• If it is appropriate you can suggest another option of something you would be
willing to do as a proposal for an alternative.

AMERICANS ARE STRESSED!

Is it the caused by the declining economy? The pressure from your work? Or perhaps the war in Iraq? Tonight we will look at just what’s causing American’s stress level to rise, and some tips for dealing with America’s stress epidemic.

The American Psychological Association completed a survey in late 2007 and they noted the top three stressors for Americans. What were they?
• #1 -- 63% of us said their number one stressor was money
• #2 – they said it was national security
• #3 – they noted job security.

What are some common myths about stress?
• STRESS SAME FOR EVERYONE- This is incorrect. What is stressful for one person may not for another. Each of us responds to things in different ways.
• STRESS IS ALWAYS BAD FOR YOU. Stress can be a motivator that helps us accomplish our tasks, productive and feel accomplished—or it can hurt us physically and emotionally
• NO SYMPTOMS/NO STRESS. Untrue! Americans camouflage their symptoms with overworking, alcohol, medication, and being out of touch with their body. In fact, many people have no idea just how stressed they really are, until you suffer from health complications.

What are some tips for dealing with stressors?
• Take time for yourself. Take a long lunch break, do something at night with a friend, medicate, or just take a 15-30 personal time out to refresh yourself.
• Exercise daily. Walk each day, join an aerobic class, park further away from your work, and hike on the weekends. Exercise will reduce your stress hormones and detox our body
• Set realistic expectations. Work towards lowering your perfectionist thoughts and remember to find “balance” in your life.
• Put some simple basics in your life: (Laugh each day, talk to friends, meditate, practice deep breathing, and make time for hobbies, music and art.)

Achieving Happiness!

Surveying 80 countries and 2 million people, we learned that we are happiest in the beginning and the end of our lives, with our middle years as the most depressing times of our lives. Tonight we will look at some ways you can change that trend and increase your happiness.

CBS’s 60 Minutes reporter, Morley Safer just did a story about the happiest country in the world… what did he discover?
~~Denmark had the happiest people in the world. Why do they say they are so
happy?
1. Expectations are low, so they can’t be disappointed
2. Little violence, little disparity in wealth
3. Free education and health care
4. People feel safe.
5. Work week is 37 weeks with 6 weeks vacation


The United States may not have rated as high as Denmark in happiness, but what are some keys to enhancing our happiness levels?
• Be social. Research concludes without a doubt that being social, spending time with friends, and mingling with others lowers our anxiety and helps us achieve happiness
• Realize that you have the power to change your mind. Change that negative thought that plays in your mind by confronting the distortion and finding something positive about yourself that changes the message.
• Practice compassion. As we have discussed in the past weeks, doing something for others will enhance your mood and increase your happiness level.

Are there other things we can do to achieve happiness?
• Create a dream. People need goals and the movement towards achieving those goals creates satisfaction and a sense of worth.
• Think about the positives in your life. You have a choice, you can focus on all the negatives and wallow in your pain, or you can choose to see the positives that surround you. Give thanks, and express gratitude.
• Find humor in the world. Research indicates that those who can laugh increase their mood and are happier.
• Get out and move. Studies show that 10 minutes of walking is all you need to have a mood benefit. Unlock those feel-good neurotransmitters and your serotonin levels will rise and your happiness will too!

Random Acts of Kindness

Next week we celebrate Valentine's Day, but it is also National Random Acts of Kindness Week (February 11-17th). This holiday is celebrated around the world, and it expands the love and kindness to not only those we love, but also to strangers.

Who originated the concept of Random Acts of Kindness?
The origin is unknown.
o Some say it began with the Old Testament
o Others say it was something that was popularized by Oprah Winfrey when she
encouraged her audience to take part in random acts, as she popularized the
concept by paying for the toll of the person beyond her in line.
o Some say it was popularized by the media with the release of the Kevin Spacey
movie Pay It Forward. In this classic
movie a young boy is assigned a life-changing homework project. The boy decides
to change the world by performing 3 acts of kindness for three strangers, hoping
they will do the same to three other strangers, and continue to astronomical
proportions.


What is the basis of these acts of kindness?
o The simple practice that allows one to give without receiving a material reward
o The act is impulsive and driven by inner compassion
o There is no repayment of the act, just the process of resurrecting the deed to
others.
o Simply stated it is doing something kind for someone else

What are some simple suggestions for acts of kindness?
o Visit a sick friend or call a lonely person
o Share a smile and say hello to a stranger
o Put a quarter in someone's parking meter
o Leave a thank you note on the table of a kind waiter
o Pay for coffee for the person behind you in a drive through
o Clean your neighbors driveway or walk

Welcoming 2008

New Years resolutions are made by a great number of Americans, but research indicates very few people successfully complete their list of “to dos.”

What keeps people from accomplishing those New Years resolutions?
o Creating resolutions that are unrealistic related to time and task (losing 50 pounds in two months, or paying off all your debt in 45 days, etc)
o Making resolutions that are for someone else vs. yourself (stop smoking because someone else wants you to, deciding to quit drinking because of pressure from others, etc).

What are the most common new years resolutions?
o Losing weight is the number one resolution (55% of Americans say they are overweight)
o Spending more time with family
o Starting to an exercise or fitness program
o Quitting smoking or drinking


The key to accomplishing your New Year's resolutions is to focus on small steps and "keep it simple."

~Our hope is that your 2008 is filled with good health and happiness!~

Could living in Peoria be good for your health?

Recent research indicates that suburban life can actually take a toll on Americans, and effect their work, leisure, and relaxation.

How does your location effect your health?
A recent study of over 47,000 Americans has indicated:
o People who work more hours simply get up earlier or go to bed later, which puts them at risk for sleep deprivation.
o Time at work is the biggest risk for our sleep statistics, but a close second is travel time. Those who spent lots of time traveling to work or destinations, or who are stuck in traffic on the way to work, have a higher rate of sleep deprivation.
o People who live in sprawling suburbs make a long workday longer trying to run errands on clogged roads.
o National sleep Foundation says sleep deprived drivers cause more than 100,000 auto crashes a year, and more than 1,500 deaths

How can the loss of sleep or sleep deprivation hurt us?
o Memory loss
o Poor performance on the job
o Loss of attention and concentration
o Fatigue
o Obesity (link now to sleep and obesity)

What are some common suggestions for sleep disturbances?
o Establish a regular time for going to bed--be consistent (this helps stabilize your internal clock--try to go to bed and arise at the same time each day)
o Do not go to bed too early (this sets up a pattern of fragmented sleep--you will also awaken early)
o Healthy maintenance- (Exercise regularly, eat a proper diet, stop smoking, no caffeine 6 hours before sleeping, and take a warm bath before bedtime)
o Deal with stress during waking hours. Enroll in a stress management class, learn some techniques, enlist a support group, see a therapist, etc.
o Develop a ritual, which signals the end of the day (putting the kids to bed, closing up the house, read a book, meditate, herbal tea. This all shifts your thinking from daily stressors.

Multitasking or Mistake?

Think you can answer a cell phone, drive your car, and respond to a text message all at the same time? You may think you are adapt at multi-tasking, but are you?


What are the results of recent research?
• David Meyer, a Michigan psychologist found that people who multi-task don’t accomplish more, they slow down their tasks.
• There is a significant amount of time lost shuffling from one task to another
• Shuffling tasks varying from complex to familiar and back again may add 40% more time to a task
• Meyer says it takes time for the brain to shift gears and move to a different task, no matter what you may think
• Multi-tasking actually increases the chances of mistakes
• Muti-tasking can slow down our response time, and that slowing down can be dangerous when we are doing something like driving

Many people won’t believe this research and believe they really can do it all at any one time. Can they?
• Use this typical example… count from one to ten, and of course that comes very naturally and quickly. But, try to add a task and add one number and then one letter of the alphabet in sequence. Like 1 A 2 B 3 C 4 D--- notice how much more time it takes to work through the two varying tasks and integrate them. This should easily prove my point. You might be able to be efficient in doing the task, but your performance usually suffers.

What are some suggestions for multi-taskers?
• Only check your email once an hour at work. Try to focus on one task for 40 -45 minutes before a break. ((our concentration limit is about that amount of time)
• It usually takes 15-25 minutes to return to a task when interrupted, so turn off distractors, close your office door, or listen to music with no lyrics.
• Take brief breaks during the day which include deep breathing or trying to meditate and being mindless.
• Try to schedule difficult tasks for your most productive part of the day and save routine tasks for times when you might get more interruptions.

Can a Vacation Effect Your Mental Health?

American employees are working longer and taking fewer days of vacation, especially compared to our European counterparts. Recent statistics from Expedia Inc. state American's will take 10% less vacation time this year, compared to last year.

How do American's vacation hours compare to European workers?
• In 2003 American's had 16 days of vacation, but in 2007 it is now 14 days
• Brits get 24 days of vacation
• French had 37 days of vacation in 2003, and now it is down to 36
• In 2003 Germans had 35 days of vacation, in 2007 it is 26
• Italians get 42 days of vacation a year
***only 14% of Americans plan to take a two-week vacation, down from 16% in 2006


What are the possible effects of not taking vacations?
• Vacation starvation, as it is called, can lead to workers who are
disgruntled, stress related illnesses such as stomach problems, back aches,
etc.
• Other problems include family tension, and an increase in addictions.
•
What are some of the reasons for American's taking less vacation time?
1. Overwork ethic- Americans define themselves by their job and our 24/7
technology keeps us tied to our jobs.
2. Guilt and fear-American's tend to fear guilty about leaving their jobs,
especially when times are tough in the economy. Other's fear they might lose
their job if they take time off, or perhaps lose a promotion.
3. Cost of travel is noted by many workers who are deciding to opt for shorter,
closer to home getaways.
4. Dual income couples have trouble coordinating long stretches of time away
from the office
5. Statistics show that 23% of small business owners have not planned a vacation
that lasts over a week in more than 4 yrs.

What are some means of coping with vacation starvation?
1. Take frequent, but shorter vacations ( 4 day weekends)
2. Trade vacation time for pay decreases (29% of American's say they'd trade a
pay raise for more vacation time)
3. Use your weekends as time for yourself and family vs. spending the weekend
working on things from the office.
4. Learn some stress management techniques from a mental health professional.

Man's (or Woman's) Best Friend

Can pets really have an effect on our mental health? The answer is a strong resounding… YES! In fact, research shows that pets affects their owner’s depression level, life expectancy, and physical health.

Let’s look at some of the recent studies related to pets and blood pressure. A current study investigated a group of patients who owned an animal versus those who did not own a pet. The findings were dramatic! The research documented that pet owners had lower blood pressure compared to those patients who did not own a pet. In fact, another study discovered the act of talking to a pet can actually decreases blood pressure.

What are some of the benefits of owning a pet?

• In a study of over 1000 Medicare patients, dog owners in the study had 21% fewer physician contacts than non-dog owners.
• Research indicates that our blood pressure is lower if we own a pet, vs those who do not own a pet
  

Why are pets so helpful in treating depression?

• Pets give unconditional love and support; undivided loyalty and devotion; total acceptance and nurturing. They make us feel appreciated and seem to increase our sense of self-esteem and worth

What are 5 major reasons to have pets?
• Pets provide a sense of security and protection ( someone is always around, which gives us
the sense of safety and being part of something larger)
• Pets are friends (helps with loneliness)
• Pets ease loss ( people with pets are less likely to experience deterioration in health
following stressful events)
• Pets encourage us to become more active (we go for more walks and generally are
more active than those without pets)
• Pets encourage us to take better care of themselves (generally we take better care of
their pet and themselves because they have something to love and nurture)

* Note: Last night we lost one of our beloved labs who had graced our lives for almost 13 years. She provided so much love, laughter, and comfort to us, and we know the power that pets hold in changing our lives in such a powerful way. This entry to a dedication to our little Dakota who taught us how to love unconditionally and always have a loving disposition to all we meet.

The art of relaxation

If you feel like it's hard to relax, then join the club. A Family Circle survey of 2000 people reports that Americans are struggling to find ways to relax.

• 85% of Americans say they wish they had more time to relax
• 15% are happy with their relaxation level.
  
• The survey reports that television is American's number one form of relaxation followed by reading, and then by listening to music.
  

If Americans could change other aspects of their lives, the survey found they would change their salary (24%), their weight (21%), and their health (14%).

Can You Remember? Boosting Your Capabilities

As we get older, one of our greatest fears is losing our memory. In fact, in a recent survey 69% of Americans expressed this fear as their number one concern.

We know that as we age we lose some of our cognitive functioning, but are there things we can do to preserve our memory?
• Exercise your mind (do things like crossword puzzles, Sudoko, or play games—anything that challenges your mind)
• Continue your education (people who continue to learn have proven to develop lower loss of cognitive functioning.
• Try something new (like learning to use a computer program, joining a book club, volunteering or traveling to a new destination).
How do these things help preserve our memory?
Learning creates new pathways and connections between our brain cells. The more connections or pathways you have the better it is for your memory function.

Are there any other things we can do to boost our memory?
• Try visualization. If you are trying to remember where you parked then try to visualize the location by something that is memorable in the area (a big tree, a sign, etc)
• Use association. Using the same example of the parking place you could look for the number posted and come up with an association. If you are parked in 4 A- think of perhaps the 4 people in your family and the grades your daughter always gets in school—A’s.
• Chunk things down. Try to break down things into smaller pieces. This is helpful if you are trying to remember a license plate number or a phone number.
• Stay active. Research indicates that those who walk 2-3 times a week have better cognitive functioning than those who do not exercise.
• Eat right. Try to eat more fish, leafy greens and foods that are rich in antioxidants like fruits and vegetables)
• Stay connected to others. People who have an active social life tend to be involved in more challenging activities and notice less cognitive decline.

10 Tips to Enhance Your Life

1. Laugh more often
2. Remember that everyone makes mistakes
3. Manage your anger
4. Slow down and enjoy the moment
5. Do it now versus waiting
6. Let go of your guilt and shame
7. Be "grudge free"
8. Follow your dreams
9. Pick your battles carefully
10.Remember your work does not equate with your worth

and of course... play with a dog whenever possible!

The Secret

Perhaps you’ve heard about it. Oprah’s is talking about it. Ellen is talking about it. People are talking about it. It is called “The Secret.”

What is the premise of “The Secret.”?
• It is a best selling, hard to find book that is sweeping the country. In a nutshell, it is about the “Law of Attraction.” The book contends that people’s thoughts and beliefs actually can attract things to them. For instance, if we live in negative thoughts and fear, we will see only negative things in our life. If however, we look for opportunities, are grateful, or search for positives, we will attract good things into our life. The book reports this “secret” is a concept that has been used by successful people throughout history.

Why is this a secret?
• People believe in the principal of scarcity (there isn’t enough for everyone)
• People believe they must look at what needs to be fixed vs. what is going well, or what they
can do
• People are unwilling to face their destructive and negative thoughts and beliefs.
• People do not view their own personal power to create changes.

What are the techniques of “The Secret?”
• Ask-- You are asked to clear out limiting thoughts and become aware of what you do what to bring into your life.
• Believe-- (what you believe is what you create. You need to really see this is not magical
thinking, but about actions you are making to opening up)
• Receive –act as if you will receive what you manifest. Feel the change.

So is this a reality or a hoax?
• The reviews are mixed, as you might imagine. People from all over the country are firm
believers in the concepts of “the secret,” and there are those who say it is nothing but
magical thinking and hopeful wishes.
• Some say it is just a magnificent marketing & great hype to sell a book.
• What we do know for sure is that your thoughts do create your reality.
• We do know that negative thoughts DO effect your psychological well-being
• The decision is yours, but you just might be surprised by what you can manifest.

Here’s the Challenge: Utilize the three techniques (ask, believe, receive) of “The Secret” and do a little experiment. Tomorrow morning when you awaken, before you leave your bed, imagine how you want your day to be. See different parts of your day, and see it in a positive light. Then believe you can make today just as you visualized. Then start the day and see if your day mirrors your manifestation.

Laughter and Humor

It has been said “By the time a child reaches nursery school, he or she will laugh 300 times a day. Adults laugh an average of 17 times a day.” (Discovery Health).

What are the benefits of laughter?
• Reduces stress (laughter stimulates both sides of our brain and eases muscle tension)
• Lowers our blood pressure
• Elevates our mood (and gives our body a good workout)
• Boosts our immune system (releases antibodies)
• Improves our brain functioning
• Helps us connect with others
• Fosters relaxation

Why do we need humor and laughter?
• Replaces negative emotions with pleasurable feelings
• It changes behavior. We talk more, make more eye contact, touch more
• It increases our energy level
• It makes us feel good and heals our pain
• It is a safe way to introduce ourselves to others (connect)

How can you expand your sense of humor?
• Look for everyday humor. (look for absurd, silly or funny things that happen around you)
• Watch children (observe how they delight in light things)
• Increase your exposure to humor (comedies, joke books, listen to joke tapes, joke a day online)
• Hang around with funny friends
• If you hear a joke you like write it down (make sure you tell someone else and brighten their day).

So here’s my joke for the day: How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb really has to want to change….

Do you have a hard time concentrating?

What are the most common types of distractions?
1. Internal or psychological distractions. These are distractions that come from within you and only you have the power to harness them. These are daydreams, personal concerns, anxiety, indecision and unrealistic goals.
2. External or physical distractions. These are anything that stimulates your senses and interrupts your concentration such as sights, sounds, environmental factors, etc.

What are some ways to minimize eternal distractions?
o Turn off TV, radios, computers, or anything that distracts your concentration
o Choose a room with great lighting, if you are studying
o Move things from your view which are distractions such as windows, rooms with people/activity

What are some ways to minimize internal distractions?
o Keep tract of your lapses of concentration, somewhat like a scorecard. Look at the time of the day and see if you have better concentration at certain times of the day.
o Secondly, try creating a worry pad and decide you will deal with these after studying, doing a project, etc.

Any other ideas for enhancing concentration?
o Vary activities (to use both sides of your brain)
o Get physical exercise
o Get enough sleep (which can effect concentration)
o Take breaks after about 20-30 minutes of concentration
o Set realistic goals
o Have a positive attitude.

Attractiveness: Does it affect your future

Does how you look effect your earnings or how you are treated? Recent statistics that might suggest that our attractiveness actually may play a huge part in our future earnings and success.

What do studies show ?
o Economics Professors Hammermesh and Biddle discovered plain looking people earn 5-10% less than people of average looks.
o Average looking people earn 3-8% less than those who are deemed attractive.
o Male attorneys attained early partnership directly correlated to how handsome they are perceived.

Does height have anything to do with financial success?
o Research from the University of Florida survey shows that tall people earn more $$ through their careers than shorter people.
o Each inch taller is worth $789 a year in pay
o Difference between 5' 5 in person and 6' person is $5.523 a year

What else have we learned from recent surveys?
o Good looking men and women are generally judged to be more kind, honest and intelligent
o A London study showed that overweight women are more likely to be unemployed
o Overweight women earn 5% less than their trimmer peers

But some of the most successful people are short. So what can people like me to do even that score?
o Research shows we can even the score by:
o Giving the appearance of confidence
o Be passionate about what you do.
o Be honest
o Maintain good eye contact
o Dress well
o Act upbeat
o Treat others with warmth and respect and you will see a huge difference