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Thursday, February 25, 2010

Your relationship can lead to a stroke

Unhappy in your marriage? It can kill you. A recent Israeli study of 10,000 men found that single men and unhappy husbands are at greater risk of dying from a stroke. There are numerous reasons that lead to this finding,including the fact that dysfuncational relationalships take a toll on our body.

To learn more go to

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Your Happiness...

A new study shows that those who are happy have less cardiac problems than those who are unhappy. So, once again your happiness level effects your physical health.

To read more about the study and how your enhanced happiness is essential, go to:

Saturday, February 20, 2010

What... Vacations Don't Help Us?

A new study reports that vacations don't really enhance our happiness ratio. OMG- How can this be true? The report states that during the anticipation stage and during the vacation, we are happier, but our happiness ratio after the vacation is no higher than those who did not vacation.

Gulp... is says perhaps we are a smidge happier for a whole two weeks. So, here's the solution. Stay on vacation! Yes, stay on vacation... either physically (oh, do we need to work? haha) or at least in your mind. By that I mean- you need to keep thinking of all the fun you had on the vacation and thinking of good things you did during the vacation. Those acts will keep your happiness level sustained.

For more information on the study, go to

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Your Heart will Love it if you are Happy

Here's the proof! Happy people are 22% less likely to have heart problems than those people who are unhappy.

Sounds like a great reason to try to enhance your happiness quotient. For more information on the study, go to

For additional information on happiness tips go through all of the articles on the blog related to happiness.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Is it time to apologize?

Did you once call someone a name that really affected them for the rest of their life? Did you stand someone up when they were expecting you to pick them up for a date? Did you lie to your boss when you actually did do something that affected the company in a dramatic way? Well, many people are now doing what appears to be the “in” thing… making apologies for things that happened long ago.

Dr. Joy you’ve brought us some research regarding “decade-late apologies.” What is this new phenomenon?
• With so much social networking people are able to find others via Facebook, My space and other methods and can access them years later
• With email people feel braver and less inhibited to make apologies that they might not make in person
• There are an influx of new websites such as and where people can learn tips and even post their apology to those they have harmed.

From a therapeutic viewpoint, how do you feel about these types of apologies?

• Obviously, apologies would be much better if they are done in person vs. via email and never via a public forum
• It’s important that the person understands why they are seeking to make an apology—if you are doing it for a response or some sort of forgiveness from the person you harm, you are doing it with the wrong objective
• If you are willing to make the apology as an act of making amends and you are willing to have no expectations for the results, then it is healthy option.

What are the keys or steps of a healthy apology whether it is for someone you harmed in the past, or for something in the present?
• Detail what happened in detail
• Acknowledge that you hurt or damaged the person
• Take responsibility for your actions and take responsibility for your part in the situation
• Make a statement of regret (the apology)
• Ask for forgiveness
• Make a promise it will not happen again
• Make some form of restitution whenever possible

Remember that it is never to late to apologize, but doing it now versus later might save you in the long run.

Jealousy... the green eyed monster

Jealous feelings can dramatically dampen intimacy and your marriage. A February article looks at the research and you might find this an interesting read.

Random Acts

Research indicates that performing a random act of kindness is a happiness enhancer and boosts your mood. Well, this week is the perfect time to do it, because February 15 begins "Random Acts of Kindness Week."

So go out and do something special.

Here's something free from us to you. Go to and you can download a newsletter on Happiness... absolutely free.

Sending happiness your way.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Telling your boss what you think

Telling your boss what you think might actually be a healthy option. A study presented at the British Psychological Society showed that employees who were able to talk to their boss about stressors at work were actually healthier. The study was conducted with employees who were able to rate their line managers. Managers improved their management styles and the employees saw it as a stress reducer.

Before you take this approach, take a look at the article at:

Here's a Remedy for Anxiety!

Here's some wonderful news for those who suffer from low to moderate anxiety. Drinking chamomile tea may actually lower your anxiety levels. The herbal remedy has always been noted as something with calming tendencies, but now a study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychopharmacology has stated that chamomile has been found helpful for mild to moderate GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder).

So get the water pot going and brew up some tea today...

To read more, got to

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Women prefer kind men

Well, the facts are in. Research now shows that women prefer men who are klind and altruistic. So forget that old saying that "Good guys never win"-- because it seems the kind guys in life really do get the girl!

To read more about the study written up in the British Journal of Psychology go to :

Sleep deprivation can distort your mind...

There is a new Washington State University study on sleep that states that sleep deprivation affects our our means of processing cognitive functions. Our memory may be intact after sleep deprivation, but we are incapable of processing that memory effectively. This means we may remember, but the brain will distort the information due to sleep deprivation.

As noted in previous blogs on this site, take some time to look over some of the important techniques for enhancing your sleep and getting a good night's rest.

For more information on this study, please go to

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Love and intimacy

It’s the month of love. Cupids and arrows fill the air, but we know that over 50% of all marriages fail, so tonight we’ll focus on ways to enhance relationships to increase the statistical likelihood of making your relationship fulfilling and enduring.

What do some of the new studies show related to love and marriage?

• 50 % of first marriages end in divorce
• 2/3 of all second marriages end in divorce
• 75% of all third marriages end in divorce

Why do so many marriages fail?
• Statistics shows that we enter relationships with poor skills for maintaining relationships
• People need to learn “how” to love each other
• Lasting marriages involve commitment, communication, and accommodation

You’ve talked about various studies, related to why relationships fail, but what do studies show are the proven building blocks in a couple’s intimacy?
• Studies at Stanford University show that the simple act of spending quality time together and talking enhances intimacy
• Humor- research shows that partners who make each other laugh are happier, in fact, it also shows that women typically search out men who make them laugh
• Doing something new. A Florida State University study shows that people who do new things, creating adventures together heightens couple’s intimacy and vulnerability with each other
• Multiple research studies show that practicing gratitude and kindness in relationships enhances intimacy and bonding. Kindness, accommodation and forgiveness are three keys to strong couples.
• Commitment. Purdue University studies show that those who believe that their partner’s commitment is unbreakable have stronger relationships and increased intimacy.
• Taking control. Partners who really work on enhancing their relationships on a continuous basis, and who indicate that working things vs evading problems have more enduring relationships and those in which they feel will end in continued success.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Internet and depression

A new study suggests that is a correlation between excessive internet surfing and depression. The authors of the study believe this is due to increased internet use correlating with lower social interaction, and replacing "real life" with chat rooms and other activities.

The study also looked at those they suggest are "internet addicts" and their relationship to depression, usage of gaming sites, sexually gratifying sites, as well online communities.

For more go to:

Friday, February 5, 2010

We vs I?

Those couples who use the word "we" vs "I" just might be happier.. or so says a new study released from the University of California. Inclusive pronouns suggest that couples think in different terms of cooperativeness and mutual respect. More "we" terms were found in the conversations of older adults and happier couples.

Want to read more? go to:

See good things, do good things

A new study shows that the "act of witnessing" good acts makes us feel emotionally enhanced, and draws us towards prosocial behaviors-- doing good things.

As Random Acts of Kindness week nears (the week of February 15th), we encourage you to become involved in some random acts of kindness. Buy a coffee for someone else in line, smile at a stranger, carry a grocery bag for a senior, call your mother (had to put that one in), or just open the door for someone else.

Want the scientific proof that these acts help YOUR well-being? Read this article:

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Men, Women, & Love

Well, it’s February and the time for looking at relationships. Tonight we will look at some of the new studies that look at the differences between men, women, and how we handle conflict, grief and love.

You’ve brought us some new research related to how women choose their partners. What did the research indicate?
• Women who are looking for a long-term partner want someone will be a good provider
• Women who are seeking short-termed relationships are looking for physical attractiveness
• Women gauge their own attractiveness with what they are able to “get in return.”
• The four key items that women identify as important to them are good genes reflected in physical traits, resources good parenting skills and loyalty and devotion

But what about those who already are in a relationship? What helps them stay together during marital difficulties?

• A 2009 study shows that those who use kind ”thoughtful words” during marital conflicts will reduce their stress and the implications of physical health problems
• Those who are in troubled relationships and use abusive hurtful words tend to have elevated levels of chemicals called CYTOKINES which fight infections in our immune system. High levels lead to increased levels of arthritis, cancers, diabetes and cardiovascular disease.
• Neutral , calming, and soft toned words during conflict tend to reduce stress—but most people don’t need a study to know these facts are accurate

Do we have any studies to share regarding men?

• A 2009 study shows that gender plays in part in partner abandonment after the diagnosis of a serious illness.
• The study shows that women are 6 times more likely to be abandoned by their partner if they are diagnosed with a diagnosis of cancer or MS—vs if the man is the patient
• The results suggest that men leave sick women because of their lack of ability to be caregivers and to assume the burdens of maintaining a home and family.
• The one bright spot is that the longer the duration of the marriage the less likely that a male will abandon his partner after the diagnosis of a life threatening illness
• Obviously, the key is for medical providers, counselors, and family members to be aware of the statistics and encourage some intervention from trained professional counselors to deal with these issues.