Mental health lessons can you learn from Harry Potter

Pottermania
Perhaps you have noticed that HE is everywhere. You see clips of him on the internet, on television, and the newspaper is filled with information about his adventures.

But Harry Potter isn’t just for children. Tonight we will focus on some elements that might surprise you

What is the draw that captivates so many?
• Aside for the amazing story line, Harry Potter captivates so many because it is not only the classic story of good vs. evil, but it is a magical story of personal growth & empowerment in the face of adversity. Despite the losses experienced by the young Harry (death of his parents), he is achieves greatness in part due to love, nurturing, the development of his own inner strength.

From a psychological perspective, what does Harry Potter teach us?
• We all hold inner strength: He is the part of us, which is buried deep inside locked deep inside our soul. Harry is the child in us that holds the power…the potential…the purpose…the passion!
• Fearlessness: Harry is the part of us that doesn’t fear what others will think. Harry faces his fears and just moves forward, which we all strive to do
• Trust in our abilities: Harry is the part of us that believes we can do anything and trusts we hold the magic to make it happen.
• Self Esteem: Harry sees himself as capable, as trustworthy, as honorable, as dedicated, as intelligent, as athletic, as scholarly, and worthy of being a wizard.

Are there some things WE can learn about self-esteem building from Harry Potter?
Here are some suggestions:
1. Write down all your positives on a sheet a paper (and ignore all the chatter in your head that judges what you write down).
2. Make a list of the amazing things you have accomplished
3. Make a list of the “monsters” (the adversity and challenges) you have conquered.
4. Create a list of the magical things you have created in your life… the people you have helped… the ways you have made a difference.
5. Become your own cheerleader. Speak of your accomplishments and
talk yourself “up” instead of tearing yourself down.
6. Investigate your positives, search out your talents, reach for your dreams, trust your heart, believe your brain, and make decisions that make your soul sing.

Do this and you too will be able to face any challenge, conquer adversity, and perform magical feats by just believing in yourself and trusting you can do whatever comes your way, just like Harry Potter!

Assertiveness. Do You know how to say NO?

Assertiveness: Can you say NO?

Is it hard for you to stand up for yourself? Do you have difficulty being assertive? Do you feel like a doormat who is unable to say NO? Tonight we’ll give you some tips for changing your behaviors.


Some people have difficulty with even defining assertiveness. How would you address the differences between healthy assertiveness and aggressiveness?
• Assertiveness is involves knowing what you want and giving yourself permission to state your needs
• Assertiveness is not aggressiveness. It is a means of honoring your needs without attacking someone else in the process. Being assertive is making a request to someone else, but it is not aggressive or demanding.
• Assertiveness is a means of saying “no” or learning to avoid manipulation or people pleasing.

What are some tips for developing assertiveness?
• First you must become aware of your own feelings, needs, values and desires
• Look the other person in the eye when you talk to them.
• Keep an open posture. Avoid folding your arms, shaking fingers, and face the person directly
• Make a request that is simple, to the point, and firm (and non-blaming or judgmental)
• Stay calm and avoid getting overly emotional or excited.


A lot of people have difficulty saying NO to others. What are some tips for those of us who have a hard time saying NO?
• Remember that saying NO is a means of setting limits. It is nothing to feel guilty about, and you have the right to set boundaries.
• Acknowledge the other person’s request by restating it, and then explain your reasons for declining.
• When you state your reasons for declining, make the points short and to the point.
• Say no by using phrases such as “No, I’m not interested” or “No, I am unwilling to do that.” Say no in a firm, polite manner.
• If it is appropriate you can suggest another option of something you would be willing to do as a proposal for an alternative.

A wandering mind is an unhappy mind

Not living in the moment? You may discover this really creates unhappiness in your life. Check it out http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/11/12/live-in-the-moment-or-be-unhappy/20847.html

Apologies

You say you are sorry, but do you really mean it? Does it sound like you are apologizing but the receiver says forget it? Well, tonight we will look at six types of apologies, and how to really mean it when you say you are sorry.

What’s some general information about apologies that we should know?
• Canadian study showed that we offer up 4 apologies a week
• 22% of our apologies go to strangers
• 11% to our significant others
• 7% to family members
• 46% to strangers
• and women offer up more apologies than men

What are the different types of apologies?
1. The insincere one: This is an apology that is made in word only and used to manipulate someone. “Sorry to do this to you.”
2. Regret it now- This apology is one that comes days late or given for something done long ago. “Wow, I realize NOW that I hurt you.”
3. The “Ifer” This is used when you just want to appease someone and you don’t know what you did wrong (or maybe don’t care). “I’m sorry if I hurt you somehow.”
4. The defender- This is a mixed message that generally defends the action. “I’m sorry, BUT…”
5. The strategic one-Offered up to end a fight, stop the discussion or to stop the other person from hurting. This is generally the keep the peace apology “Hey, I’m sorry, let’s just move on…”
6. The sincere apology- This is a meaningful, honest apology in which you have an UNDERSTANDING, ARE REGRETFUL, AND KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HURT SOMEONE. “I hurt you and I won’t let this happen again.”

We all make mistakes, but with the sincere apology it sounds as if there are some important elements to making amends. Can you explain?
• A real apology shows remorse—a true statement of being sorry
• A real apology shows that you understand what was the wrongdoing and accept full responsibility for your action
• A real apology admits that you have hurt or harmed someone
• A real apology asks for forgiveness and offers way in which you will change
• A real apology is heart felt and something that will be honored with time and action

Mental Health Month

We commonly focus on those who are experiencing depression or other mental health concerns, but what about those who are living with someone who is experiencing these disorders. How can a loved one him encourage someone to get help, or what do you do when their mental health is ruining your relationship.

Tell us a little about the impact of depression in America
• 15 million adult Americans suffer with depression each year
• 6 million adults suffer with other mental health issues such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders
• But 50% of those with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia never reach out for help. And statistics show that almost the same rate of depressed people never ask for help as well

No one would want to be depressed or have mental health disorders. So why don’t people reach out for help?
• Some suffer from shame and feel immobilized to get help
• Some have impaired judgement that keeps them from getting help
• Some feel too vulnerable to reach out

We have all seen the commercials with the little cartoon person, and the saying that says, “depression hurts.” But depression also hurts those who live with someone who has depression. What are some things we can do to help someone they love who has depression?
• Be gentle. Show support and tell your loved one how much you care
• Stop nagging. Don’t get into a debate about who is right and who is wrong. Ask questions to find out how you loved one feels
• Suggest that your loved one goes to their PCP. It is easier to get most people who are depressed to agree to see their physician versus a psychologist or psychiatrist.
• Work with your loved one and offer to go with them to the physician or a mental health professional. This type of support might help them feel safer to reach out for help

Can you make a decision? Who me?

Are you one of those people who have a hard time deciding where to eat at night? Can’t choose between the Iphone or the Droid? Perhaps just choosing a pair of jeans can take you into a neurotic episode… Well, tonight we will look at why some people have such a difficult time making decisions and some tips to making the process a little easier.


Tell us a little about people who have difficulty making decisions.
• Some people see the world in black and white and have a relatively easy time making decisions.
• People who see the world in more of the grays tend to be more of what helping professionals call “ambivalent” thinkers.
• Being ambivalent or seeing the gray can be a positive aspect, but those who see the word always in multiple options and shades of grays tend to see ALL of their life in this continuum
• Ambivalent thinkers can get caught in evaluating all sides of a choice and that scrutiny can keep them in an eternal battle between all the choices


But seeing things from all sides is a positive attribute. What is harmful about this way of thinking?
• Ambivalent thinkers may see so many choices that they tend to avoid making a decision because everything appears so complex
• Due to the fact that decisions seem so difficult and complex, they may have a higher rate of procrastination and lack of decision making capabilities
• Because they can see all sides of a choice, they also tend to attach more feelings with every choice. In fact, because of their extensive rumination process, they tend to end up feeling guilt about making a choice
• Their ambivalence may keep them in unhealthy relationships and friendships because they can always find reasons for self-blame or ways to discount behaviors that might be destructive, abusive or harmful




If you are someone who has difficulty making decisions, are there some tips that would be useful?
• This is an extremely common concern for many people. In fact, some people are totally paralyzed by decision-making. So normalizing the situation is helpful.
• Access a therapist or coach who can help you discover techniques for healthy decision making. Skills include pairing down choices and knowing your key values
• Know what is important to you (your values) and look at the situation as objects vs. focusing on the feelings surrounding a decision.
• Those who can make decisions easily tend to not be anxious about their choices – a key to moving towards this avenue is to know your own predictable pattern and understand more of what makes you happy.
• Lastly, just make a choice after you have paired things down. Remember it is just a choice, and not a mistake. When you see things as a choice, you can always go back and alter things a little, or change things up. A mistake says it is something about you being bad, wrong or defective…. This is faulty thinking!
• Remember doing nothing is actually choosing to do something- it is choosing to let the world & others make your choices.

Simple tips to enhance your happiness...

Your happiness matters and tonight we will explore some simple things that you can do to raise your happiness quotient. Tonight’s tips may be simple in nature, but we can promise that research has shown they can create a change.

Tell us about our ability to change our happiness level.
• Dr. Sonya Lyumbomirsky from the University of California is the foremost authority on happiness
• Her research shows that 50% of our happiness is based on a set point, 10% is genetic, and 40% of our happiness is within our control. That means we can dramatically change our happiness with intention activities

So what are some intentional activities we can try to enhance our happiness quotient?
• Flip through old photos. Researchers studied mood change. They tested people eating Godiva chocolate, watching TV, listening to music, having a drink, and looking at old photos. Music and chocolate had no effect, alcohol and TV changed mood by 1% and viewing pictures made people feel 11% better. Wow. That’s dramatic!
• Munch on some nuts or eat some salmon. Both have omega 3 fats, which help with depression. A research study at the University of PA showed that those who had high omega 3 levels scored 49-58% better on tests
• Change your environmental scent. An Australian study showed that those who added lavender candles, or put lavender in a diffuser were less anxious, calmer and more positive.
• Take a walk around the block. Studies show that those who get more light exposure during the day have fewer sleep concerns and lower depression.

What is our goal for the week?
Try any one of these four simple tips this week and enhance your mood. Remember you can control your happiness level, and your intention can change your impression of life.