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Thursday, October 7, 2010

Can you make a decision? Who me?

Are you one of those people who have a hard time deciding where to eat at night? Can’t choose between the Iphone or the Droid? Perhaps just choosing a pair of jeans can take you into a neurotic episode… Well, tonight we will look at why some people have such a difficult time making decisions and some tips to making the process a little easier.

Tell us a little about people who have difficulty making decisions.

• Some people see the world in black and white and have a relatively easy time making decisions.
• People who see the world in more of the grays tend to be more of what helping professionals call “ambivalent” thinkers.
• Being ambivalent or seeing the gray can be a positive aspect, but those who see the word always in multiple options and shades of grays tend to see ALL of their life in this continuum
• Ambivalent thinkers can get caught in evaluating all sides of a choice and that scrutiny can keep them in an eternal battle between all the choices

But seeing things from all sides is a positive attribute. What is harmful about this way of thinking?

• Ambivalent thinkers may see so many choices that they tend to avoid making a decision because everything appears so complex
• Due to the fact that decisions seem so difficult and complex, they may have a higher rate of procrastination and lack of decision making capabilities
• Because they can see all sides of a choice, they also tend to attach more feelings with every choice. In fact, because of their extensive rumination process, they tend to end up feeling guilt about making a choice
• Their ambivalence may keep them in unhealthy relationships and friendships because they can always find reasons for self-blame or ways to discount behaviors that might be destructive, abusive or harmful

If you are someone who has difficulty making decisions, are there some tips that would be useful?
• This is an extremely common concern for many people. In fact, some people are totally paralyzed by decision-making. So normalizing the situation is helpful.
• Access a therapist or coach who can help you discover techniques for healthy decision making. Skills include pairing down choices and knowing your key values
• Know what is important to you (your values) and look at the situation as objects vs. focusing on the feelings surrounding a decision.
• Those who can make decisions easily tend to not be anxious about their choices – a key to moving towards this avenue is to know your own predictable pattern and understand more of what makes you happy.
• Lastly, just make a choice after you have paired things down. Remember it is just a choice, and not a mistake. When you see things as a choice, you can always go back and alter things a little, or change things up. A mistake says it is something about you being bad, wrong or defective…. This is faulty thinking!
• Remember doing nothing is actually choosing to do something- it is choosing to let the world & others make your choices.

1 comment:

joymiller said...

Epic... wow. That's a great review