What conversational style do you use?

Conversational styles: Are Men and Women the same?

We all know that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but what does that mean in a real “day to day” living arrangement? Generally speaking women are talkers and men are generally “doers.” These differences make for great blending, but they can also create some difficult problems for many couples.


Does gender really break down into talkers and non-talkers?
• It may not be all that simple, but generally women get a boost of oxytocin, the feel good hormone when they speak to others.
• Men get this same boost, but testosterone blunts the effect and talking is generally not as much of a “high” for them
• Women generally are circular talkers- meaning they talk around an issue to give you a “holistic” view of the discussion.
• Men are typically direct talkers and speak quickly and to the point with as few words as necessary
• Of course there are exceptions to these concepts because we are all individuals and unique

Are there some ways to communicate better considering the differences?
• If you are a talker, slow down so the non-talker can absorb your conversation
• If you are a talker, ask questions and get the other person involved
• If you are a non-talker use simple cues to let the talker know that you are listening. Nod your head, say, “I hear you”, or “I think I can see how you felt that way.”
• Set aside talking time as well as time to just relax without conversation

Are there some things that men could do to enhance their conversational relationship with women?
• listen to them and offer no solutions. Women want to be heard and figure out their own solutions
• Learn reflecting skills – make statements that show you understand
• Make eye contact, try a gentle touch or holding a hand when listening
• Understand the importance of “TALKING” in a women’s life

What can women do to enhance their conversational relationships with men?
• Notice and offer appreciation to men. Men value noticing that they are doing things that care for those they love.
• Give lots of compliments with men. Men need to feel appreciated
• Allow men to have free time to sort, analyze, think. Cave time is essential for men and they need quiet time to work through things in their own way.
• Use direct and short conversations so men can “really hear” what you are saying.