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Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Men, Women, & Love


Well, it’s February and the time for looking at relationships. Tonight we will look at some of the new studies that look at the differences between men, women, and how we handle conflict, grief and love.

You’ve brought us some new research related to how women choose their partners. What did the research indicate?
• Women who are looking for a long-term partner want someone will be a good provider
• Women who are seeking short-termed relationships are looking for physical attractiveness
• Women gauge their own attractiveness with what they are able to “get in return.”
• The four key items that women identify as important to them are good genes reflected in physical traits, resources good parenting skills and loyalty and devotion

But what about those who already are in a relationship? What helps them stay together during marital difficulties?

• A 2009 study shows that those who use kind ”thoughtful words” during marital conflicts will reduce their stress and the implications of physical health problems
• Those who are in troubled relationships and use abusive hurtful words tend to have elevated levels of chemicals called CYTOKINES which fight infections in our immune system. High levels lead to increased levels of arthritis, cancers, diabetes and cardiovascular disease.
• Neutral , calming, and soft toned words during conflict tend to reduce stress—but most people don’t need a study to know these facts are accurate

Do we have any studies to share regarding men?

• A 2009 study shows that gender plays in part in partner abandonment after the diagnosis of a serious illness.
• The study shows that women are 6 times more likely to be abandoned by their partner if they are diagnosed with a diagnosis of cancer or MS—vs if the man is the patient
• The results suggest that men leave sick women because of their lack of ability to be caregivers and to assume the burdens of maintaining a home and family.
• The one bright spot is that the longer the duration of the marriage the less likely that a male will abandon his partner after the diagnosis of a life threatening illness
• Obviously, the key is for medical providers, counselors, and family members to be aware of the statistics and encourage some intervention from trained professional counselors to deal with these issues.

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