Making Love Work

Unfortunately, many relationships fall apart and we know that 50% of marriages end in divorce.  So tonight and next Wednesday we will look at the REAL subtle things that can help a relationship endure… and it just might surprise you!

What are some proven techniques for enhancing our relationships from a recent study.  Tell us the results.

·      University of Rochester study showed that people who regularly show acts of kindness have happier 

     marriages

·      Selfish acts aren’t just nice, they are necessary in enduring relationships

·      Being compassion enhances your partner’s closeness to you and enhances your well-being and  

    happiness

·      Men say they put women’s needs before their own in the study ahead of women by 15 %

·      Men say they modify their schedules for women than vice versa in the survey.

Those are some interesting statistics… what else did the report show?

·      Men are more comfortable showing love through acts vs. words

·      Showing small gestures of love can go further in a relationship than words

·      When you do acts of kindness it is important that you are not focused on the payback aspect of the 

    gift.

·       

What are some simple ways to show you love your partner

·      Put their needs in front of your own which is compassionate enduring love

·      Show appreciation and reach out to do a chore for the other person

·      Celebrate their victories and notice their achievements

·      Do something special, even when you are not getting along

·       

We are growing!  We have added two new therapists and one Clinical Psychologist!  Welcome to Julie DiBernadino-Doeden LCSW, Sue Anderson, LCSW and Dr. Aimee Ladd.

We also are going green and we've added a new software upgrade to our system.  This addition creates a web-based software program that is fully encrypted to insure the confidentiality of our clients.

Additionally, we've made some office enhancements by adding rooms and changing our front office... but watch and you'll see more changes in the coming month as we refurbish our waiting room and add additional offices.

We are very excited to announce the addition of Dr. Aimee Ladd to our group.  Aimee is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and brings a speciality in children and adolescents and will be doing a combination of therapy and testing/assessment beginning on March 18th.  For more information about Dr. Ladd, check out "Meet Us" on the Joy Miller & Associates website at joymiller.com

2013s Hardest Goal

It’s our number one choice for the new year, and one of the hardest goals to achieve… losing weight.   

So what are 45 million people trying to accomplish this January?

·      They want to lose weight

·      We spend upwards of $33 billion on weight loss and related goods according to Boston Medical Center

·      But studies show that only a small minority of us succeed with our goal.

In the past you’ve talked to us about goals and you’ve always stressed creation of “reasonable goals.”  Are there things we should also consider?

·      New research shows that our brains actually overestimate our power of success and that we filter our negative options in many cases

·      This optimistic outlook is useful for humans, but it can also set us up for failure if we do not take in account new information and re-evaluate or ignore reality

·      For instance, we may perceive that we should lose 5 pounds a week, and while working hard on a healthy eating plan we lose 1-2 pounds per week.  What happens for many Americans is our brain doesn’t re-evaluate the success of losing the 1-2 pounds and senses failure and we tend to give up.

So what are some tips for creating a healthier lifestyle and the ability to stick with the weight loss program in 2013.

·      Be prepared with reasonable goals.  This is always my number one concept.  You need to be realistic about what is possible and probable.

·      Have a plan of intention vs. end point.  It is just like looking at the journey vs. the destination—look at the progress you are making vs. focusing on the end line

·      Have a plan to distract.  When a smoker is trying to stop many people chew gum, or chew on a straw… dieters need to have a plan—carry an apple to chomp on when you have an urge to eat.  Carry a bag of almonds or cashews to interrupt the habitual response

·      Look for natural alternatives.  Take a walk when you are a little bit hungry, drink some water, which will be filling, or sip on some hot tea.  Be prepared to care for yourself in a healthy way and 2013 will be a happier and healthier year for all of us.

Are you in deprivation?

Expedia.com has some shocking news for us… American’s are vacation deprived. Tonight we will look at some recent studies and investigate some statistics that are important as we move into 2013. 

Tell us a little about the differences in vacation patterns of American’s versus other nations

·      Asian workers take the least vacation days.  The Japanese are granted 13 days off, but typically take only 5 days off a year.  South Koreans take only 7 of their 10 vacation days

·      Americans are following suit. 

o   In 2011 Americans had an average of 14 days vacation and took only 12 days off 

o   In 2012 Americans had an average of 12 days off and only took 10 days off

·      Europeans see vacation as a duty and have between 25-30 days available to them in addition to state and national holidays

How does this relate to hours worked each week?

·      Americans work 40 hours a week

·      Asians average 44 hours a week

·      The Dutch only work 35 hours a week

Why do so many people choose to not take vacation time?

·      Inability to coordinate time off with family and friends tend to cause roll-overs of vacation times and lost days

·      Financial worries:  Many people can’t afford time off and need to work and gain overtime pay

·      Fear of consequences:  Many workers fear that if they take time off they will risk their job due to performance issues.

What are suggestions for vacation deprived?

·      Remember that everyone needs time to replenish and renew.  If you don’t feel you can take all of your vacation days, make sure that the days you take are true vacation days

·      Disconnect when you are on vacation.  Focus on friends, family and relaxation and leave your ipad, iphones and computers in the hotel room.

·      If you can’t go for long vacations consider 3 or 4 day weekends to help you replenish and renew

Unlock secrets about yourself

 What can a drawing tell you about your personality?

Everyone loves tests and quizzes and many times, the responses do tell us a little about our personality. Remember, this is just a fun little test and it's results are not guaranteed, except to bring a smile to your face.

Here's what I'd like everyone to do: draw a cruise ship on a piece of paper.

Let's first look at the location on the paper.

1. If the ship is drawn near the top of the page, you are an Optimist. You say things like, "There is no sense in crying over spilt milk."
2. If the ship is drawn near the middle of the page, you are a Realist. You see things as they are without illusion or delusion
3. If the ship is drawn near the bottom of the page, you are a Naysayer. You tend to be a pessimist and see things in a negative viewpoint.

Now, let's look at the details you put in your drawing.
1. If your ship is drawn with few details you are a Risk taker. You can be carefree and freewheeling. Sometimes this gets you into trouble.
2. If you used many details in your drawing you are an Inspector. You prefer to look at ideas carefully and thoroughly before they gain your approval.

Thirdly, let's look at the direction your ship is facing.
1. If your ship is facing right, you are a Wordsmith. You enjoy transmitting your ideas through words verbally or in writing.
2. If your ship is head on, you are a Gatekeeper. You like standing guard and keeping an eye on people who are coming and going.
3. If the ship is facing left, you are a Worldly Person. Your interests are in buying and selling or science. You have very little interest in working with words.

If your ship has smoke stacks...
1. If you drew your ship without a smokestack you are a Hipster. You have a knack for knowing where the action is. You can be creative and innovative.
2. If your ship has a smokestack, you are an Artist. You excel or enjoy the fine arts.

And the size indicates how good of a listener you are.

So how close 

Do you use your time well?

You may delay, but time will not. In tonight's Ask Dr. Joy, we are talking about time and how to use our time well.

There was a recent study that looked at American's view of their individual priorities & one that was quite shocking to many people.

A few weeks ago, a survey showed that 20 percent of American's surveyed would skip work, vacations and a wedding of a close friend to see their football team's championship game

Football fans around the time of Super Bowl reported that they would be willing to miss a funeral of a loved one or the birth of their own child to see a championship game
Those results are quite surprising, but what else do we know about Americans and their use of time?

Here is what we found
* 40 percent of Americans are in front of their televisions at 9pm and
* Men watch television more hours a week than women
* 80 percent of women are working outside the household and still doing childcare and household chores
* At 2 p.m., 1 out of 15 Americans 65 and older are asleep. * Older Americans spend more time sleeping and eating than other age ranges
* Sleeping, working and watching TV takes up 2/3 of our day

So what does this tell from a mental health perspective?

* Priorities: American's may say that they value time with their family and friends, but survey's indicate that those choices may not be the ones they are making in a daily way
* Value: American's may value important life events, which create lasting memories, but when faced with important life decisions, many American's will choose to de-value these events.
* Time- constraints: American's are limited in their time for leisure, friendships and self-empowering activities.
* Anxiety & depression: American's are not making time for themselves and for decompressing doing activities that help them relax or enhance their lives. Without these activities we are prone to enduring levels of anxiety and low grade depression